Let me tell you about Rehan...

I had a funny dream last night.

I was at a party in one of my more cynical phases, when Rehan turned up.

For the uninitiated Rehan's one of those guys you don't talk about. Like a third nipple. Always there but not really something you want to discuss over tea.

He was looking good (okay, he was looking incredibly gorgeous; i am trying hard to forget that about him so bear with such understatements) and he came up to me with a smile dancing on his lips. "You were lovely in the movie,", he said (!)(for the record, i am not a movie star). I smiled wryly and said, "You were lovely on stage". He's not a movie star either. Or any kind of stage performer. It was just one of those dream roles, I guess. And we started talking about something or the other - I forget what. Someone called out to him, someone decidedly female and skimpily clad though I couldn't see who it was. It was just one of those skimpily clad voices. And he said he'd be right back. As he said that and walked away, I smiled to myself thinking those were the exact words with which we'd parted two months ago. I'd hung around a while then but had finally left disappointed. This time I knew better than to wait. Was just smiling at myself sardonically wondering why we lied to each other, when I felt his hand on my waist. I looked up and saw him standing close to me, very close. He was smiling curiously and he leaned in and whispered in my ears, "I came back the last time."

I wasn't laughing when I woke up.

August Endings

All those who laughed loudly and said "Bah humbug!" when I surmised I'd post more often in the last post, take a point. Oh, go ahead, take two. Those who whooped and smiled hopefully, I am sorry to have let you down. Perhaps you can draw comfort from the fact that you're not alone.
I have been out of touch for good reason. My life is all askew. Professionally of course. Personally it was never really on a straight course anyway. There has been tons of work, and wading through it has taken more effort then I would have considered myself willing to make. There's also been tons of political roundabout, just to make the work more pleasant. I have been handling the whole situation admirably though. The policy of repress and push on has been applied successfully in this sector as well. (Really, i think that policy is The Secret to happiness.) So I am working hard unsure of whether I really want to, even unsure of whether I'm happy doing it. All feeling has been obliterated from my brain. Powering on.
Meanwhile, Gary and I are well on the way to Amityville. We've been talking to each other quite a bit. About the most carefully frivolous subjects possible but quite a bit. Which has meant that I feel better about my relationship skills. Clearly, I am the mistress of superficiality when it comes to human relations but at least, I am a mistress of something.
Even is still somewhat of a sore spot, but overall I think I've made good progress from the days of obsessing about every woman he talks to. Am now only spending a few hours a day debating whether he's a lost cause or not (as opposed to twenty-four). It is over in my head now, I just have little to move on to. But I'm sure something will come along. It always does.
And when it does, you know who won't be the first to know.
(No points for that one; that was just for fun.)

Finally...

I am in Even-withdrawal phase. I'd like to believe I started it. Laughable as the thought is. One little flick of his evil finger and I'd go waddling over. Yup. He has more evil in his little finger than all of Saddam (and i have seen the pictures- there was clearly a lot of Saddam to go around!). @#$%^%$! How I hate him (Even, and also Saddam). How I wish I did...(ONLY Even.)

Such difficult desires aside, my life has taken a drastic turn for the better. My new policy of repress and push on is yielding rich dividends whenever I put it to use. Sometimes I forget, and am melancholy, but then I push on. I'm a happy little manic depressive :)

Okay, I'm done freaking you out. Really. I've been pondering a lot on destiny and omens and stuff and I think I've zeroed in on mine. I think my destiny involves a shopping mall and a black American Express card. Oh, The Joys of Shopping. I'm a living monument to retail therapy and its many benefits. Of course, it's just one of the things I am a monument to. Others include: Unrequited love, unrequited hair, and demonic possession. There is no limit to the number of demons that possess me. I am walking, talking B-grade Hollywood movie. That does not sound very nice. I take it back.

So now that Even is out of my life (as if he was ever in it; the git)I can focus on personal and professional growth, and this blog, of course. Get ready for a lot more excitement and posts.. I'm back, baby!!

Optimism in a Power Cut

Transit Mode

I just realised it's been ages since I posted anything... Yes, I've been that busy- this is the most breathing space I've gotten in six weeks or more. But I've also been overwrought with a lot of confusing thoughts, feelings, etc. Anyone who's changed sites after reading the past sentence deserves to be labelled emotionally-challenged. I mention one serious feeling and get written-off? Unfair!

The good news is that I think I'm coming to grips with it all. Still a little shaky and unsure- like an earthquake victim, or someone who's made the scary trip down the lane to my house. I still have nightmares about it. Have never been more grateful for Nature cushioning my brain well. Who likes their brain the way Bond likes his martinis?

It wasn't all about a guy this time. More about my job. Went through an existential phase, professionally. Am now thinking of taking some time off to clear out my head and evaluate things in my private life. Get myself to stop thinking about possibles liaisons with Gary and/or Even. Start appreciating life with yours truly. *sigh* Haven't had the most promising start but I'm trying.

Wish me luck.

Sometimes

Sometimes you have no idea what you're doing but you feel compelled to go on doing it.. . Like the other day when I was sitting with Gary in a coffee shop.. There was definitely some madness stirred into the coffee because I found myself unfolding a lot of my life in front of him. Not like you tell a friend but like you tell a shrink. I don't know which is worse.
And he listened, fascinated, as it were by my psychosis. Or acting well enough to earn an Academy Award nomination (too good-looking to actually win the award). When I was through, which was after a good, two cups of coffee, I was spent (mentally). I wasn't spent the other way till much later that evening.
After all my rambling, he smiled sadly and asked, "Aren't you too young to be so old?"
And in my head a voice said, "Great! Hundreds of hot men in the world and I land up with one who uses his brain."

Daydreaming

I was just daydreaming about Sex god (he's from BTB- before this blog)and this thought came to mind:
"It took evolution 200 million years to make you. Let me take at least half that time to appreciate it's work."
I know it sounds a little corny but one look at him and you'll know why it's justified. I'm sorry I don't have pictures to upload. Hell, I don't even have a name. Just an image. One glorious image of the possibilities of creation.

God bless.