Winter

I think the universe (not The Universe, but the ordinary one- where everyone else lives) is telling me to move past Even. After sitting close to him for six months, I've been shifted to a new location. Strange people, funny feeling, emptiness. I think I didn't notice the difference when I moved earlier because he was there. And now, even though I have much more space, there's nothing to warm the shackles of my heart (the phrase caught my fancy- don't ask me why).

This loneliness isn't new, it's acuteness is.

Disgusting as it sounds, I miss him. I am ten desks away from him and I miss him. How is that possible?? Why am I reacting so stupidly to the separation? Why am I even calling it separation? This feels strangely like the L-word. I hope it's not. From previous (unfortunate) experience, I know that I'd best avoid it- we're just not meant for each other, i guess (not Even and I, love and I).

I am not sure what do to lessen that strange feeling in my chest. I just don't know how to make it go away.

Maybe it's not meant to go away.