Unofficial Views on Office Trips

Even is away on a 'office trip' which is basically a nice way of saying out to get drunk on office money. I don't know if I approve of such trips (which take him away from me?). I just remembered the terrible mood I was in the last time he went away. I am in such a soup where this is concerned.

Unbridled Lust

I just tried on some of the sexiest clothes that have ever covered my body and boots that i would die for, and realised that my love for material wealth is not a sublimation of some other desire. I love beautiful things and people. I want that lifestyle where I walk into a nightclub in body-hugging leggings and knee-high boots and a top revealing more of me than it covers. Okay, maybe not the top, but the rest of it. I want to look and feel sexy and if money is what it takes to feel that way, then I want money. Let's face it, I am a material girl. I always have been. It's nice to have lots of things.

I look at myself differently when I am expensively attired (and barring a few exceptions-sexy attire is expensive attire), so why shouldn't the world? And why should I not have that life where I am looked upon that way? Just because I don't make enough. Maybe it's time I found a way to make more money. I hear that chant resonating in my ears: there must be more money. There must be more money.

Films, Press and a Whole Lot of Heartache

Work-wise things have never been better. Campaigns are getting approved, a film idea has developed into an ad and there's general harmony all around. But harmony is the most deceptive state in nature for it belies the struggles and turmoil that lie beneath the surface. Things are churning, and several relationships are undergoing a sea change, and not into- I fear- something rich and strange. Control or even direction will be difficult, scratch that, challenging (I'm trying to be positive here) to find but I have to do my best. As Shakespeare once wrote:

"There's a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood, leads onto fortune.
On such a full sea are we now afloat.
And we must take the current when it serves, or lose our ventures..."

As usual, I find myself at sea and with no rudder and no map, but one sketchily rendered in memory. I'm going to have to make the most of the tools at my disposal. In all spheres of life.
I've spent one and a half days trying to convince myself that Even actually likes me but is reluctant to get involved for some murky reasons (like he's afraid of relationships). It's not been a resounding success but my self-belief is not entirely shattered. Maybe he just needs time. Or a strong whack on the head. As JKJ once pointed out, these home remedies often work where other more sophisticated solutions fail. I shall hold out awhile though before I give that a shot. He might not appreciate it too much even if he does feel the same way.

The Forbidden Fruit and others

Well, all the hard work and long hours I've been putting in at office seem to be paying off. At a swanky meeting yesterday, got approval for something I've been working on for quite sometime. It felt awesome- unreal but nice :) The fruits of success are sweet and taste even better when eaten ripe. (I have no idea what that means- just felt like saying it. Maybe it means that success is better when it comes at the right time- which it did, in this case.)

Some fruits, however, still remain forbidden. And seem even sweeter. Perhaps, it's for the best but when has anyone ever been content trying to believe that. I still pine for the co-worker (who shall for convenience's sake and mine, be referred to as Even henceforth). Though I think I'm gradually reaching a place in my head where I can be patient about it. Let things take their own time, go with the flow. At least, until lunch.

Maybe, it's because i'm feeling terribly ill (cold, sore throat, fever). Am always fatalistically angelic when I'm ill, perhaps, in hope that immediate behaviour will ensure that past sins are overlooked in deciding my place in the Afterlife. Thus, the willingness to be patient and forgiving. And while away time while I have it...

What will become of us?

Getting Royally Screwed

Those of you reading this post, who are inclined towards pun-ish humour, please, restrain your imagination- I am not fooling around with Prince Harry or William, or indeed, anyone from the British monarchy. (If the slower readers could kindly refer to the title...)

My weekend was quite exhausting- had to visit relatives and work throughout- and weekends are not meant for that. The only break I got was visiting a friend who said he had a surprise for me- he'd had a bike accident. Still, it was a cheery evening that went on late into the night with the unfortunate result that I didn't get that much sleep, so my deprivation on that front continues as well.

You may ask what other deprivations I refer to. What i suffer in that way not tongue can tell. Which makes this blog convenient. If you have no clue, either you have short-term memory loss or I have omitted to mention the barren desert that is my love-life. No flower has bloomed, to waste its fragrance on the desert air or otherwise. It amazes me how I'm never loveless in that I don't love; it's always that the love is unrequited. Yet, I trudge on.

My co-worker has still given no indication that he's interested in me as more than a co-worker. In fact, I doubt if he's even entirely interested as a co-worker. All this tends to weigh on the heart a bit but I manage to keep the stiff, upper lip. He seems to be entirely oblivious to my not-inconsiderable charms and I'm forced to conclude that either he's gay or just plain not interested. And honestly, I'm not thrilled about either alternative. And I don't think there's much I can do about this, as in I've already tried quite a bit. Maybe that's the problem- I'm trying too hard. I think I should take it easy- he needs to see the real me, not the me I want him to see. And once that's accomplished I'm sure he'll be eating out of my hand (not in the fashion of a horse or other such lower vertebrate but figuratively).
Because let's face it- I'm irresistible.