A Spiffing Start

Happy New Year.

Instead of stating my New Year resolutions first and then forgetting all about them five minutes later, this year I'll do it the other way round. Do it first, and then mention that it was a New Year resolution. One of the resolutions this year is to avoid stating the obvious (with or without the air of profundity). So I've resisted the urge to use the phrase "Another year has gone by" in the first post of the year- a temptation which 13,328 people worldwide could not resist.

So far 2009 has been good. Barack Obama has been sworn in as the 44th President of the United States, Pakistan is now at least admitting that there are terrorists within its borders (though it still claims it's not funding them), and there have been dramatic events in my love life. Now I know that you're dying to know what these dramatic events are but please let's discuss the important things first(!).

Obama's inaugural speech was quite refreshing, to be honest. After 8 years of wondering whether political speech-writing as a profession was dead in the US, Obama's writers came like cold showers in the scorching heat of Bushland. And his ability to put life into those words is no less laudable. In these troubled times, people need the confidence that his conviction brings, more than anything else probably. I'm sure that if we can all remain positive this recession will pass faster than last night's burritos.

Pakistan's admission though is less reassuring. They are infamous for going back on their word. But staying on that positive note we discussed, this may be the beginning of a (forced) turnaround in their foreign policy, if you can call terrorism that.

And as for my love life, after seeing Even and the Oops-My-Button-Popped girl making out in the power room, I have taken a vow of abstinence. I still have dreams about it- what I saw, not the vow. Her...er... larger-than-life assets pressed against his face. Yuk! Yuk! Yuk! Yuk! I was looking for some spare screws (straight face) and was told to go check with the carpenter in the power room. Well, there were screws there alright, it's just they were already in use. After my shock subsided, I decided that given my unbelievably atrocious taste in men, my continuing to keep sex as an option on the table would clearly be a mistake. So no more nookie for me (and for Obama it seems, though he was talking about a different kind of disarmament).

And let me tell you, life looks a lot better for it (disarmament on both fronts). I am sleeping less, I am being less friendly with people and my TTK for the past week have been less than 3 per day. (Threats To Kill. Really, keep up.)

So with Obama eschewing violence, Pakistan denying it, and me fighting it (only barely though), the balance of the world is being maintained. Hopefully the equilibrium will last long.

Why Aren't (More) People Reading My Blog?

Now this is not going to be one of those iniquities of life where I make the few who do read this blog pay for it by coming up with answers to this painfully vexing question. Though feel free to post them if you want to. I'm just going to ramble for a while about what I think the possible reasons are.
Good, now that we've shaken off the less determined readers and fans, let's get all the gossip going.
Kidding!
Reason 1: People find it boring. Now this can only happen if someone's at least read my blog once. In which case, it would have been nice if they'd left a comment saying so and maybe if they really felt like it, why they were bored. Since they didn't, I'm at a loss to resolve this particular issue. Nevertheless I shall try. We shall sex this blog up (within Google limits) and put in intermittent episodes of mindless violence. Just to keep everyone interested.

Reason 2: I haven't spread links far and wide. Now this is quite likely the most relevant reason. I am a little shy of having my friends and acquaintances read the intimate details of my life (I'm okay with sharing them with complete strangers). But I shall do my best to overcome this shyness and put up links at every damn location I can find. http://fictionaluniverse.blogspot.com/
Starting here.

Reason 3: You're not telling your friends about this awesome blog you read. Now that's just mean. Why would you do that? Have I ever done anything to hurt you? Haven't I bared ALL to keep you entertained? (That's not a cheap trick to get new readers to go over all the posts looking for the bare-all one.) Are you beginning to feel guilty about this? Are you now going to tell all your friends about this? Good. Because if you're not, you're going to hell. I'll see you there.

Reason 4: This has become too personal for you to share. Now I appreciate all those secret admirers who hide behind weird nicknames and shudder to declare and share their true feelings with the rest of the world. I do. But if I can do it, anyone can. So buck up and spread the word. There's a good blog in town and it's only going to get better with your help. C'mon, do it. Be my hero.

Reason 5: I don't talk about current affairs. Of the world. Well, I have caught on to this trend and I'm there. I shall endeavour to work in current affairs in every post from now on. A new blog shall be written, like history was with Barack Obama's election to the President's post. All those who've hung in there over the rough times and steady, will see the difference. Change has come to this blog. And I for one, will embrace it with open arms and flowing ink.

That shall be all for now, my friends. If any other reasons should occur to me, I shall put them up. But until then, it's your turn to put up yours.