November Days

I think my life has changed today. Read something which really shook me up, and answered a few questions I'd been unable to articulate even though they'd been bothering me for a while. I need to live for myself, as myself- have to stop trying to measure up to other people's standards (and waistlines). Must be careful though, I tend to go overboard with these assertions of freedom.

A lot else has changed over the past few days, not the least of which is Even's attitude towards me. It now seems more like he's interested than ever before. Or maybe it's just that because I am not any more, I'm free to notice his reactions instead of reacting to them. What brought about the change, you ask? I think it's just that there's more emotion in my feelings for him than passion. A realisation which has come at a felicitous point in time when I'm trying to sort out my life.

Feel quite different now- though that might be because I have a cold. I think I've mentioned my tendency towards angelic behaviour when I'm ill. No, it's not intended to ease my ascent to heaven, at least not consciously. Hopefully, I've got the clearance anyway. It's rude to snigger.

Too many thoughts are swirling around my head in a vortex of decisions that need to be made and doubts about making them. Maybe some quiet introspection will help clear it up. Or maybe some shopping, though I think the former will prove more economical, another virtue I need to adhere to (stick like a leech is a phrase that comes to mind).

Will me well.

Frustration, thy name is...

I have finally discovered the secret to my unhappiness with most of my current company. They don't share my sense of humour. And often it seems like they haven't much of a sense of humour at all. And while everyone has a right to live, some people have more than others. I end up spending most of my time with people who laugh like crazy at dumb animations and barely crack a smile at mine or other people's witticisms. That's absolutely unacceptable. Must find a solution.

Even is still being his reticent self. While I can now understand his reasons for not wanting to get involved, I don't think I will ever appreciate them. How can he be bothered with propriety when here I am all alone and damn bugged about it? I've tried everything- dressing differently, behaving differently, just being myself... nothing has yielded results so far. *sigh* I've even tried not caring about it. All in vain.

I am too depressed to be funny right now... :(