Unofficial Views on Office Trips

Even is away on a 'office trip' which is basically a nice way of saying out to get drunk on office money. I don't know if I approve of such trips (which take him away from me?). I just remembered the terrible mood I was in the last time he went away. I am in such a soup where this is concerned.

Unbridled Lust

I just tried on some of the sexiest clothes that have ever covered my body and boots that i would die for, and realised that my love for material wealth is not a sublimation of some other desire. I love beautiful things and people. I want that lifestyle where I walk into a nightclub in body-hugging leggings and knee-high boots and a top revealing more of me than it covers. Okay, maybe not the top, but the rest of it. I want to look and feel sexy and if money is what it takes to feel that way, then I want money. Let's face it, I am a material girl. I always have been. It's nice to have lots of things.

I look at myself differently when I am expensively attired (and barring a few exceptions-sexy attire is expensive attire), so why shouldn't the world? And why should I not have that life where I am looked upon that way? Just because I don't make enough. Maybe it's time I found a way to make more money. I hear that chant resonating in my ears: there must be more money. There must be more money.

Films, Press and a Whole Lot of Heartache

Work-wise things have never been better. Campaigns are getting approved, a film idea has developed into an ad and there's general harmony all around. But harmony is the most deceptive state in nature for it belies the struggles and turmoil that lie beneath the surface. Things are churning, and several relationships are undergoing a sea change, and not into- I fear- something rich and strange. Control or even direction will be difficult, scratch that, challenging (I'm trying to be positive here) to find but I have to do my best. As Shakespeare once wrote:

"There's a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood, leads onto fortune.
On such a full sea are we now afloat.
And we must take the current when it serves, or lose our ventures..."

As usual, I find myself at sea and with no rudder and no map, but one sketchily rendered in memory. I'm going to have to make the most of the tools at my disposal. In all spheres of life.
I've spent one and a half days trying to convince myself that Even actually likes me but is reluctant to get involved for some murky reasons (like he's afraid of relationships). It's not been a resounding success but my self-belief is not entirely shattered. Maybe he just needs time. Or a strong whack on the head. As JKJ once pointed out, these home remedies often work where other more sophisticated solutions fail. I shall hold out awhile though before I give that a shot. He might not appreciate it too much even if he does feel the same way.